He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize