If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
