i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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