i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
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Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
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more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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