I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
