Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
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