As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
