so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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