My balls are so social today.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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