She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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