that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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