UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
