he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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