i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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