we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
