I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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