I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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