Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
