Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
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just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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