i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
