u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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