let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
