please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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