you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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