He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
