He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
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Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
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If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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