He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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