We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
