Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
