I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
