He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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