I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
