I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
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ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
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You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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