Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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