kristin has been a bad kristin
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
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My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
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So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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