just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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