when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
