I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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