Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
