found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
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On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
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Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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