Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
