My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i came on her dog
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Randomize
