I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
