so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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