i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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