I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
