I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She's the barista slut.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
