We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
