i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
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Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
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I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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