I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
