I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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