You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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