Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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