yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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