Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
