I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
