College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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