I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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