I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
