East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
