OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
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