After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We are all done wearing pants today
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
