where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
