i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
