We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
