mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
