Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
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Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
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I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I have aggressive nipples.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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