Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
