I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
